Oct 9, 2008

it happens every once and awhile

I'm generally a happy lady. I'm what you call a "10". I feel like you should take life as it comes, and tackle each obstacle as it happens. There is no use worrying, or fearing the unknown (future). I tend to think very positively, and view life through rose colored glasses.

It doesn't always happen that I have this mindset. Every once and awhile, enough things pile up on my plate, that overwhelm me in an emotional way- and I feel upset, or frustrated, and deem those "bad" days. I'm having one of those bad weeks. Everything just feels like its taking extra effort/time/work. Nothing feels easy this week. And even things that have been or are normally easy, seem hard.

Emotionally I feel like I have a lot of baggage right now. I'm grateful for my cell, a place where I feel safe, and comfortable expressing these feelings. I was really looking forward to cell this week, as its kind of a new beginning for us, new season, new location, and new structure. Something that I love so dearly was even a struggle this week. We had a surprise visitor, which was unexpected, and I completely shut down. I spoke and shared against my will, and was left feeling uncomfortable, and vulnerable. That was hard to deal with.

I'm finding it really hard to connect with Weegie as he is travelling around the world. We're in such different places currently, thinking and doing completely opposite things. How can I relate to him? How can I connect and engage on a more intimate level through e-mail and a short phone call here and there? I'm left without an answer on that one, and so it feels strange and weird...and hard.

I'm trying not to, but I'm really hoping the retreat will provide some much needed brain purging time.

3 weeks and counting until my last day @ urban. thats so scary!!


leann (gorman) wood said...

hang in there lana. it's good to go through some hard times once in a while. it helps you grow. although it doesn't feel so good during those times. xoxo

sanityseeker said...

lana, thanks so much for your super kind offer to come hang out or give me some time alone. i can't tell you how sweet it is of you to offer, and i would certainly love to take you up on it.
i am sorry this week has been tough, and isn't it just so frustrating when everything seems so hard? i pray the retreat is refreshing and helpful.
congratulations on your big move from urban!