Jan 7, 2009

am i crazy??

Do i purposely try to sabotage everything good in my life? What am I doing? Why can't I be satisfied with what I'm handed? I try to make everyone around me happy, and comfortable. But i completely ignore myself.

This is hard, its so hard. my whole body is shaking because i can't stop crying so hard. I suck at communicating, i try the best i can, but its not good enough. It makes everything worse, and I feel like complete shit. I fuck everything up.

I am nothing, i don't deserve anything. i mess up a good thing im handed, why should i get anymore than that? This is going to be a hard week. I can't get through it without you Jesus. I feel like a broken being. I'm so confused and hurt. I need your healing, and your grace.

I need to get out of my head. It's ruining my life.

2 comments:

joshua said...

aw, man. i can tell this is a really hard moment. i don't think you're crazy.

jenibender said...

lana, i have totally felt all of this at different moments in my life. i am right here if you need to talk...